by - June 16, 2013


I am learning to have some sort of self-control nowadays. Self-control in everything. From getting mad at people to eating non-stop till bloated (nafsu makan punya pasal). I stick to the belief that I can control myself if I work on it. Not work hard. Just work, on it. Plus Dr. Ajijah (Azizah) said we should have self-compose, not getting mad or crazy very easily and be cool.

I failed too many times.

Mak aih. This is a friggin' hard job. Like having a war with the inner side of yam. ALWAYS LOSING THE BATTLE. How can that be? I see that many people can control themselves as easy as ABC. Some are struggling, like me. But still they don't show things they have shouted inside, do they? 

I was dead wrong. I don't know what their thoughts are, what they are experiencing with. Youchh..can't be bothered too.

One time, I feel like shouting at someone's face. To say "hey you I really despise you lah you think you so big and I gotta only listen to your the-best-in-the-world opinions and thoughts so frequently?? Dah blah blah". Ohok. That far kan. But I don't let it slip out of my mouth dah. I know it will leave a wound. I want to stop making such mess. Pencen.

I just realised, I'm not perfect either. And I too, don't own all these people's self-problems. Biarlah kat dorang kan? So now I'm gonna stick to this: I DON'T GIVE A DAMN TO YOU PEOPLE'S PROBS WHO AREN'T IMPORTANT TO ME PUN. OR CONSIDERING ME IMPORTANT TO 'EM.

And dear self-control, please, be stronger and firmer haa. Nanti I belanja makan. Aja!

p/s: Tuhan dan kau saja tahu betapa hodohnya aku yang sebenarnya. sumbing.

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